Conversation with my youngest...

So, this isn't a conversation I expected to have with my five-year-old last night, but she was very serious and not upset or overly anxious. Just curious.  I'm thinking I'm not going to read more into it than I really need to.

Brooklynn:  "Who's going to take care of us if you die?"

Me:  "I'm not going to die!"

Brooklynn:  "Yeah, but if you do, who's going to take care of us?"

Me:  "Well, your Daddy will."

Brooklynn:  "Okay, but who's going to take care of me if Daddy dies?"

Me:  "I will."

Brooklynn:  "What if you both die?"

Me:  "We're not going to both die at the same time!"

Brooklynn:  "You will when you're a hundred!"

Me:  "Okay, fair enough.  But you'll be sixty-four, then.  You will definitely be able to take care of yourself."

Brooklynn:  "No, I won't.  Who will take care of me when you die?"

Me:  "Well, if Daddy and I both die, Uncle Eric and Uncle Vince will become your parents."

Brooklynn:  "WHAT!!!  But they're both boys!  I need a Mommy!"

And then she wandered away, neither perplexed nor upset, just having vocalized her opinion.  Leaving Cory and I to wonder if we're still going to have a 65 year old Brooklynn climbing into our bed in the middle of the night when we're 100 and on death's door.

And leaving me to wonder if I actually ever let Uncle Vincent know that we have a will and it stipulates that my youngest brother is to be appointed guardian of our children.  Did I ever mention that to him? That when he married my brother he was signing on to guardianship of four kids should Cory and I perish in some crazy accident when we turn 100.  Might want to revisit the old will.   Just in case!  Because that's a pretty long-term committment!

So funny!

I laughed so hard at this last night, that it felt like I popped a couple of stitches.  But the pain was worth it, because I constantly forget our grocery bags and always feel guilty when the cashier asks, "Do you need bags?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG2vHlHqHqI

The eve of infusion 5

I've finished four rounds of chemo.  Tomorrow is round 5.  I have to say, I kind of got cocky about this whole chemo thing.  Rounds 1, 2, and 3 were no big deal and the side effects more amusing than uncomfortable.  So when round 4 knocked me on my butt, I had to admit, it's not so much fun!

Not sure if it was something I ate that disagreed with my new, super-efficient, digestive system or if it was the chemo, but after spending almost all day last Monday being a slug on the couch, I woke up to horrible stomach pain and incessant vomiting Tuesday morning.  And sleeping.  Seriously.  I woke up long enough to barf, and then I passed out on the couch again.  I have never slept so much in my life as I did last Tuesday.  So chemo nausea... we can now cross that off the "side effects to experience" list.  I ended up back up at the hospital getting 2 litres of fluids pumped back into me Tuesday night (which I pretty much slept through).  Then I had four days of what I can only describe as a chemo hangover with residual stomach pain. I could barely move by Thursday.  It tapered off by Saturday night, Sunday morning with the help of some lovely T3s.  So, I had two good days this cycle where I felt relatively normal.  One at the beginning, and yesterday.  I'm ready to kiss this cycle goodbye and see what Cycle 5 has in store for me.

On a completely related note, I no longer have a PICC line in my arm.  I am now sporting a "Power Port" (sounds like a superpower, hey? Where's my cape?) which I had surgically installed this morning.  No more allergic reaction to the PICC line and, once my sutures heal, the world is my oyster again. I can get my PORT as wet as I want in the shower without having to worry about infection.  Also I have full use of my right arm again; I can golf, do jumping jacks, and push ups (because we all know that I've been missing out on those activities) and I can lift heavy stuff and pack my purse full of bricks without worry about pulling out the line or clotting it, or whatever might happen. 

Getting the PORT in was actually a relatively easy experience that was done under light sedation.  I woke up when I as getting stitched up, but that didn't even feel all that bad. The worst part was the surgical tape that they ripped off my head at the end of the surgery.  (Why didn't I think to ask them why there was tape on my head for a procedure on my chest?)  And the nurses and doctors are just lovely at our tiny hospital; everyone was very kind and reassuring.  The doctor that did the procedure, was actually the doctor that admitted me to the hospital after sending me for the x-ray and ct-scan last December.  She saved my life.  I was happy to be able to tell her that this morning. 

So now I have this ugly lump of bloody dressings on my shoulder, hiding my new hardware, and I am a little uncomfortable with the sensation now that the freezing has completely worn off.  It feels like my neck (incision 1) is connected to my chest (incision 2) (I think it is, one incision has the port, the other is where they inserted the tube into the vein) and I am having a hard time moving my head separately from my neck and my shoulder.  Sleep might be a bit funky tonight.

Anyway, on to Cycle 5, with a little more trepadition than I had last time.